My World
by TheMonkeySong
Summary: Companion Piece to 'On Its Axis' This is Rose's musings on the past and present. Centered around Bella growing up. CH 1: And now, now all I wanted to do was cuddle. But there was no more cuddle time for Rosalie Hale.


**AN - This is a companion piece to my story "On Its Axis". Basically, this is just Rosalie's POV. This won't be a fluid story. It will be snap-shots of what is happening in "On Its Axis" as well as showing Rose's memories of Bella growing up. PS. I am looking for a Beta, so if you are interested please message me. and as always I love feedback so give me a review or PM me! Enjoy. xoxox - Monkey**

I sat in her bed, sniffing her luscious scent, basking in it really, wishing, wanting so desperately that she was going on a date with me and not some...the whole idea brought a bad taste to my mouth. She was going out with a wolf. Some dirty dog.

Not just going out, they were _best_ friends. Couldn't she see that I was a much better choice? I was stunningly beautiful, some say the most beautiful in the world...and I used to believe that too until Bella opened her bedroom door earlier, her teal bra could be seen resting on her tiny breasts, I was taken aback, she was wearing something so simple yet, I wanted nothing more than to hop on her leg and hump her like a ...well, never-mind.

All I knew, is that I had put Bella through the wringer today, and when Bella has a tough day she likes to cuddle with someone.

Bella was a cuddler. She always wanted to cuddle with me when she came to the family, and only me. Boy, did she pitch a fit when Alice tried to cuddle her to sleep at night. And I, of course, allowed myself to cuddle her, seeing as she was only two at the time.

I don't think she remembers our cuddle time. The thought pained me deeply. I snuggled down in her bedding some more, surrounding myself with her scent. It was almost as if she was here.

But, alas, she was cuddling with a wolf.

I stopped cuddling her shortly after her fourth birthday when Alice gleefully informed me and all the family that Bella was to be my mate. This strange beautiful little girl to whom I was inexplicable drawn to...was to be my mate? I laughed at the idea. She was more the child I pined for, not a mate.

But a few days passed and I continued cuddling my little honey B. At night when she was asleep, and the family would leave the two of us alone, I would stew in my own thoughts.

Then one day I snapped, Alice kept lording the vision over me and all the family would look longingly at Bella and I. They would watch our every interaction to see, if indeed, I would accept my inevitable fate.

Why would I perpetuate this belief they all held?

I could nip this little problem in the bud. No more family monitoring my every move and, if Bella was truly to become my mate, then that wouldn't be a problem either. I, for one, believed so fully at the time that I was: 1) a blood-sucking moody vampire, 2) Bella was 4 and 100 years my junior, and 3) I was NOT a lesbian.

So I turned into Bitchy Rosalie. Bella was not allowed to call me Rose or Rosie from that point forward. No one was.

I was Rosalie.

Only Rosalie.

That night was the first time I turned Bella down for our nightly cuddling. She was in her trainer bed, calling my name out to come cuddle with her - "Rosie, come cuddle with me!" When I didn't immediately blur into her room (as that was what she was accustomed to), she called out again, "Rosie Posie, come cuddle!"

Normally, I would've been in her room by now, reading her a book or singing her a lullaby or rub her back while we talked. I adored when we talked. Yes, she was only four, but she was so smart and quick. She amazed me. All the while she would snuggle right into my cold, unyielding side, and she would try to wrap her tiny little arms around my middle. Once she was alseep, she would rarely move from that position, curled up at my side.

Looking back, I know I was wrong to have pulled away from her at all, or even a slow pull away would have been better for her than...But, I overreacted and in my haste I thought it was best to sever all connection to her swiftly and without feeling. I rationalized it by telling myself that she wouldn't remember this. She was young. And most importantly she was human.

"Rosie?" She called again, "cuddle-time!"

I ignored her, laying flat on my back in the middle of my bed watching the dust fall slowly from the spinning ceiling fan blades above my head.

I could hear a distressed Esme in the kitchen - "What is she doing, Carlisle?"

He replied: "I do not know, I do no know."

The smell of cotton candy permeated through the room, "Your going to break her heart," Alice's usually high chipper voice had taken a somber tone.

"I know"

"This is going to ruin everything." She said leveling her pained fill stare at me.

"It's the right thing to do." I said turning on my side, so I didn't have to see her pained face any longer.

"You understand that she may never recover from a betrayal of this magnitude..."Alice trailed off, I could smell her venom unsheddable tears.

"She's four, its not likely she will remember."

"You understand," Alice gulped some air, "You understand that she may never ever forgive you for the...for everything your going to put her through by choosing this path."

"That's fine."

I heard a fast little heartbeat, that made my existence worth living, approach from the hall, her loud stumbling footsteps echoing through the deathly silent house. She was talking to herself and giggling freely. My chest ached.

"This is going to kill her..."

"I Know! Ok! I know. It's for the best!" I growled out.

Alice's scent disappeared but I could hear her tearless sobs as she ran for the safety of the trees.

Bella's floral scent assaulted my nose, and I steeled myself for the pain that was about to occur. She squealed - a happy child-like noise. "I found you!" She giggled out while clambering onto my king-sized bed. "he he, I found you Rosie! I found you!" I didn't need to see her face to know that she was grinning from ear to ear. Joy radiated from her being - from her soul.

Her delicate little hands tugged at my cold one, "come cuddle with me!" She demanded. I let her pull on my arm but I didn't move a micrometer, "Please, Rosie, Please!"

She as always an overly observant and inquisitive child (quite a dangerous combo). So she quickly caught onto my somber mood. She didn't let go of my hand as she crawled over me and pushed the hair out of my face. I closed my eyes, not wanting to see her gorgeous all-knowing eyes right now, "Rosie, what's wrong?" She asked, brushing more hair out of my face, still grasping to my hand like it was her life line.

I breathed in deep savoring this last peaceful moment with Bella before I did was was best for her.

"Rosie! What's wrong?" She demanded, I slowly opened my eyes only to be met with her big brown doe eyes, her face merely inches from my own, just one more moment, I told myself, as I took one more big breathe, "Are we cuddling here? I guess...I guess that's ok." She said resigned. She started to curl her little body into my own.

"No Bella." I said.

"Ok, then, let's go to my bed!" She said, tugging on my hand as she climbed down from the bed.

"No Isabella. No More Cuddling." Her eyes widened at my use of her full name. We only ever called her Isabella when she was in trouble.

"What?" She said, coming closer to me again. Her eyes were wide with fear. I could smell her fear in the air. She held onto my hand tighter than I ever thought she could, oh no she was going to get bruised...

"I said No. More. Cuddle. Time. Isabella." I said extracting my cold dead hand from her two soft warm ones. She stared at my hand longingly for a minute before she asked:

"Why?"

"Because I said so."

"What about tomorrow? Cuddle time tomorrow?" Her eyes were huge. I could see tears forming in them. But despite this her voice held hope.

Hope that I was going to crush.

"No. Not ever again."

"Like forever never?" She asked, a tear streaming down her face. I nodded.

I quickly picked Bella up and took her shell-shocked body back to her room. Her face was red and wet with tears when I set her just across the threshold of her door. She grasped my hand as I was about to leave, "Rosie! Please cuddle me! Please, please!" She pleaded...

I ignored her cries. I took back my hand, shutting her bedroom door behind me.

Once in the safety of my own room, I slid down the wall closest to her bedroom and steeled myself from the urge to go to her.

"Rosie I'll eat all my veggies tomorrow! I promise, I'll eat them forever and ever!" She pleaded, "Please come cuddle me!" Her pleas went long into the night. Everyone in the family went to try to comfort her and to get her to go to bed.

The whole night she apologized for things she couldn't control. When Emily was in there Bella had said, "it's cause I'm not pretty like you Cullen's are. I'm a Swan" She spat our bitterly, "She doesn't want to cuddle me cause I'm ugly. and I trip all the time, and I get cut..."

When Jasper was in there she said, "Rosie, I'm sorry for being a human bean, I'll figure out how to change..."

When Esme was in there about 3:30 AM, it was the worst, she just called my name out over and over again. Her voice was nothing but a whisper at this point.

I didn't leave the safety of my room for about a month after, I would only go hunt when Bella was out of the house. When she was home and the others weren't occupying her, she would sit outside my bedroom door, telling me she was sorry for everything, and that we didn't even have to cuddle as long as we could still hang out.

The house was not filled with her child wonderment as much anymore. She didn't seem to be as much a child as she was before.

As much as this pained me, I knew I was doing the right thing. Bella would be better off without me. This whole mating business was a crock of shit.

She would get over this. She had to get over this. She wouldn't remember this.

Hopefully.

And now...

And now, now all I wanted to do was cuddle.

But there was no more cuddle time for Rosalie Hale.


End file.
